Time to drink to another Valentines day, but what can we do to take steps to progress, not perfection when it comes to dating? Let’s have a chat with resident dating coach Rami; I’ve been teaching geeks to date for 7 years. 7 YEARS. And in that time, I can tell you there’s one thing that’s been very consistent with the people I’ve taught.
NO ONE gets it right on the first try. NO ONE.
In fact, I can give you a word-for-word script to recite when you meet someone new, and chances are you’ll still get it wrong when you put it into action. Why? Because when you’re put into a new situation, where you have to do something totally new and weird, even if you memorized exactly how to do it, you’re not going to get it right. It’s like someone who’s been visualizing riding a bike their whole life, then actually getting on a bike for the first time.
They’re going to fall.
No amount of preparation will give you the experience you need to talk to someone new, and get a date. The only way to practice that is to do it, over and over again.
Good news is, you don’t need to be perfect.
On TV, we often see a meeting where two people appear to connect perfectly, and then they go on a date. Real life is WAY MESSIER than that. You’ll fumble, you’ll say something weird and inappropriate, you’ll fail, and sometimes you’ll fail SPECTACULARLY. But it’s all good, as long as you get up and try again.
The beauty of dating is that every experience is a learning experience.
Every time you talk to someone new, every rejection, every horrible moment of spilling your drink on someone you like because you’re in a crowded bar and get bumped from behind… these can all be used to improve and do better next time. Maybe you’ll skip that dead baby joke, or you’ll wear a nicer outfit, or you’ll hold your drink to the side so if you get bumped you just spill it on yourself… Whatever, as long as you learn.
Ok, now that’s covered, what’s the best way to learn in the crazy world of dating? The protip I give all geeks is this: focus on ONE thing to improve at a time. It’s easy to get carried away and want to achieve that perfect encounter immediately. Depending on who you are, that might involve speaking more confidently, having better body language, or even just having the courage to talk to someone you like. If you focus on too many things at once, every encounter will feel like a failure.
But having one thing to work on at a time means you can focus all your energy on that one thing. It’s much easier to make a jump in Ninja Gaiden if you don’t have eagles and wind to deal with.
There are so many geeks that I’ve given advice to, whom I am extremely proud of. They’ve gone from “I’m awkward and lonely” to asking people out, going on dates, facing rejection, and doing it all over again. I am 100% confident that they will succeed eventually, and find a partner that makes them happy.
Because they are choosing progress over perfection.
If you expect perfection, you’ll try once, fail, and never try again. Better to go for progress: small gains, over time, and eventually you win.
No one beats Bloodborne on the first try.
Why would you expect to win The Dating Game?
Rami the Gutsy Geek – Used to keep a spreadsheet for dating until he met ‘the one.’
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- Do Geeky Interests make you more Attractive? –Podcast 46 - April 23, 2018
- Why Nice Guys Suck (and how to be much less sucky) - March 29, 2018