Rami takes on friendship and shares the friendship formula to help you make new fiends. And not a Ross Geller in sight! (Rami is going to be annoyed with me because he actually likes Ross. Fortunately everything else he says is pretty great – Robin)
Life changes things
I think we’ve all been in a situation before we’re we’ve felt lonely, and uncertain how to make friends.
Whether you move to a new country or city like Emma from Projekt Indie did when she moved to Sweden, or change jobs like I did when I stopped working in marketing, or are just looking for people with similar interests, it’s weird to have to rebuild your social life.
It’s especially hard when you’re an adult, because you don’t have the day-to-day hanging out at school like you did as a kid, and the people at your job might not sociable at all (or maybe you work remote and never see anyone in real life).
So here’s the formula that I’ve been working with for a while. It’s taken from the book The Like Switch by Jack Schafer, and I find it works pretty well.
Friendship = Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity
Let’s break that down.
The distance between you and another person and your exposure to that person over time. Example: sitting together at lunch at work, or walking together to the bus, or using the same studio space to draw.
The number of contacts you have with that person. Example: every day at lunch, twice a week at D&D night, weekdays at the gym.
The length of time you spend with them. Example: all day at the office together, 3 hours during class, 45 minutes during a workout.
How strongly you are able to satisfy another person’s psychological and/or physical needs through the use of verbal and nonverbal behaviors. Example: chatting about our significant others, extra person required on the volleyball team, giving you feedback on your DOTA play style.
You don’t need all the elements to have a successful friendship, but by following the formula you’ll find it easier to make friends by far.
In fact, if you think about your many friendships that have fallen by the wayside, I’m sure you can find one of the above elements was missing at some point, right?
So there you go, the friendship formula. Use it wisely.
Rami the Gutsy Geek – The CfG Relationship Guru and Tekken Badass
Or listen to his podcast on how to meet women in bars
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