Dating, Shared Interests, and Values

Today’s post is about my girlfriend!

This is a picture of us at my sister’s wedding. As you can see, I am smitten with her. We’ve been dating for 3 years, and will probably be making some tiny humans in the near future.

We share a a passion for travel and dogs, and that’s about it.

Everything else about us is totally different.

Hobbies and Interests

She works with youth with Down Syndrome. I had never done any nonprofit work before I met her.

She likes photography, the theater, and long-distance running. I like NONE of those things.

She doesn’t play videogames, she hates anime, and she finds action movies to be long and boring.

She once described the X-Men as “Angel, Iceman, Cyclops, Phoenix, Upside-down man, and Sick Man.”

She is as non-geek as it is possible to be.

So why does our relationship work so well? How did we fall in love?

Here’s the thing, geeks. We always assume we need to meet someone just as geeky as us for our relationship to work. We look for partners with similar hobbies.

The truth is, what we should be looking for is someone with SIMILAR VALUES.

I love my girlfriend. But I don’t believe in marriage, and neither does she. So we’re never getting married! Now imagine if I didn’t believe in marriage, but to her it was an essential part of her culture. How many conflicts would that generate?

For us, even though our hobbies vary greatly, our values are in sync. We both want kids, no marriage, we love having people over all the time, we’re both extremely blunt and honest communicators, we’re independent and spend time with our friends, and essentially have very separate lives.

Core Values

But one of our core values is we respect each others’ hobbies and passions, and support each other 100%.

For example, she works for a nonprofit that helps families and individuals with Down Syndrome. It’s not my passion, but when she asked me to DJ their Christmas party, I did. Seeing all those young people party and have a good time was rad, and now I DJ all their events.

Similarly, my girlfriend has been seeing my friends and I play Tekken in our house for the last three years. She doesn’t watch, she doesn’t care, she barely recognizes any characters. But this weekend I went to Canada Cup and almost beat the world champion, and my girlfriend was in the front row cheering me on.

Why? Because obviously one of our main values is to support each other.

So. What’s my point for today?

My point is, don’t eliminate a potential partner because of their hobbies. Base your choices on their values.

If they don’t like videogames, but they’re cool with you playing til your eyes bleed, give them a chance!

Alright, with all that said, Rami’s month of love means I’ve reopened the Level Up Your Dating course!

It’s been upgraded and tweaked and is way more awesome than ever before. But it’s only available during my month of love, which means the doors close on November 30th. I don’t know when we’ll reopen it again (mid 2018 – Robin), so get in there and get started on it ASAP.

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Comments 1

  1. Pingback: Relationships: 30 Life Lessons to My Younger Self » Coaching for Geeks

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